A million years ago (okay, maybe 2 months or so) I was asked a question….

[My girlfriend and I] go out, to bars or whatever, and will be playing pool, and we meet new people, mostly ones that want to play whomever wins the current game, and without fail at least one man will talk to me about ‘the lesbian thing.’ The conversation always turns to some sort of ‘so do you guys just like each other or do you want company’ sort of offer, and have to play it off like I’m not completely repulsed and kinda laugh it off and politely decline. But then I think about it, and I was NEVER approached when I was with a man, and I don’t understand why they think it’s okay to offer themselves up when it’s two women. Is a lesbian relationship seen as less committed? Do they think that we all secretly want male companionship (or equipment)? Why is that okay?

I have taken my sweet time responding because I am just not sure what to say.  The first question or implication of lesbians being propositioned more frequently than heterosexual couples is generally because a man has it in his head that there are now 2(!) women who will fawn over him in bed.  If he were to invite himself into a het couple’s bedroom, he would potentially have to come into contact with another man (shock!) and could be seen as gay (omg!).  I think that a lot of this (the propositioning) comes about because pop culture has advertised lesbian sex as hot, sexy, taboo, something naughty – and we all know sex sells.  Perhaps these men just want a chance to get up close and personal with real life lesbians.

Now, I wouldn’t say that we receive this sort of attention because our relationships are viewed as less committed, perhaps just misunderstood.  People outside the queer community see the friendship first and the love and devotion/commitment second.  There is a lack of recognition of the true emotions and commitment involved in a lesbian relationship across much of the United States (and parts of the world).  This is where I feel it is our responsibility to demonstrate that our love is every bit as intense as the love of any other human – no matter the sexuality.

I really want to respond with something along the lines of people are assholes.  But this is something we deal with frequently, and we have to find strength and bravery in standing up to these people.  We are brave to know that bigotry and cruelty exist in the world and yet choose to live as we are and not make excuses or try to hide.  So, continue to be you, to express your love in public (if that’s your thing), to stand up to jerks who invite themselves along for the ride.

*All opinions expressed are mine alone and based on my personal experiences.  I do not speak for anyone but me.*