It isn’t difficult to pay attention to someone when they speak. For some, however, it is difficult to actually listen to what they are hearing and retain the information.

I’ve been told that I would make an excellent secretary/executive assistant/posh housewife because I have the ability to remember small, seemingly insignificant, details about people and the goings on in their lives. In my time as an intern for various companies and people I perfected the art of the “whispered name.” That’s where you swiftly whisper in the ear of your boss the name of the person walking up to you, perhaps adding his wife or children’s names for extra credit, without said person noticing.

It had never occurred to me how this skill – to listen and remember – would be useful in my every day life.

I have had the pleasure of being plunged into social situation with the same group of 20-30 people countless times in the past few weeks. Many of my conversations have gone beyond pleasantries and small talk into more detailed and intimate information about people’s lives. I’ve heard about sick children, annoying mother-in-law visits, ill-fitting clothing, break-up stories (while the ex stands across the room, that was fun), terrible roommates, etc.

You don’t necessarily need to know or hardly remember this shared information, but I find it kind to follow-up and ask how things are going. Is Johnny getting over his cold? How is your mother-in-law doing? How was your presentation on the usefulness of post-it notes? By asking these questions you are showing the person you paid attention during your last encounter as well as making some sort of statement that they are important to you, that you care about them. (I find asking about Dave’s wife’s broken ankle much more meaningful than hi dear, how was your day?) This builds your relationship – platonic, romantic, professional, whathaveyou.

I attended a breakfast this morning with many of the usual suspects. As I was leaving I saw an acquaintance and asked how his event fared the previous weekend. He stopped in his tracks and looked completely taken aback. He had an amazed look on his face and simply said the event was great and thanks for asking, not many people remembered or cared to ask. I was shocked, he’s been talking about this event for a few weeks now – of course I would ask. He had that special sparkle in his eye whenever he was doing promotions and I knew it was important to him.

On my way home it struck me how much we don’t pay attention to what people say. It is one thing to have a conversation with someone and to equally share and engage. But it is another to recall that information and to use  it to better understand and relate to this person (no, I do not mean that you should judge another because of this information). I have a few friends I talk to on almost a daily basis, and whether they live 10 minutes or 10,000 miles, I still know details about their days, their lives, and the people they interact with. Because I ask. Because I take the time to stop talking about myself and my shit (don’t get me wrong, I call to vent and rant all the time) to learn about them and to demonstrate my care for them.

I hope that others do this too. That they stop and ask if Sally won her softball game and how Bobby’s dance recital went. Wouldn’t we all be a little happier to know that someone pays attention and considers us important enough to remember?